"I knew now, that it is by loving, and not by being loved, that one can come nearest the soul of another; yea, that, where two love, it is the loving of each other, and not the being loved by each other, that originates and perfects and assures their blessedness."
We can't really blame the hero. Actually, I think we are all like him. Until we learn to sacrifice ourselves, we cannot come near the soul of another. Until we learn to put our beloved first, we cannot be assured of their blessedness.
We see it all the time when two young people start "dating". If one is "dominate" then the other looses their life and identity to be with the other person. For argument's sake lets say the female is the dominant one. He will have to give up hanging out with his friends. He will have to always go to her house. He will always be defending why he talks to that other girl all the time in that class. He will give up his hobbies, because she needs him to help her bathe her dog. He will stop making plans with friends because he doesn't know what is going on. This would be a selfish love on the black widows part, because she is forcing someone to love her and devouring his life.
When Jesus, the apostles, and God talk about love it is always in the actions, thoughts, and emotions of how we interact with others. When Jesus said to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength (Matthew 22:37), he says nothing about God giving us anything. When he says to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:39), he doesn't talk about receiving anything in return. When Jesus talks about loving our enemy and praying for them (Matthew 5:43-48), he doesn't say they will come around or be reconciled. It is completely for the one who loves.
Of course, we cannot talk about love without looking at the list of characteristics in 1 Corinthians 13, it is list for the lover. The lover is to be patient, in turn it gives his beloved (which is anyone he comes in contact with, not just a spouse) freedom and safety. When it says the lover is not to keep records of wrong doings, it is so he can truly love as God does and forgives. Love protects, hopes, trusts, perseveres. All of this benefits both people, but it is the lover who is being made perfect by these virtues (Matthew 5:48).
Song of Songs, the holiest song in the Bible, is about two people making preparations to wholly give themselves to the other person. They are not singing about what the other will do for them, but what they will do for the other. They are not describing what they will receive, but what they will give. In this beautiful ballad, we see the purity of unrestrained love and how the other is blessed by it. As MacDonald put it, these two souls were becoming nearest each other because they are loving each other.
Now personally,I cannot find in myself to think of loving my enemies, the Taliban, Democrats (just being funny), that crazy neighbor, or sometimes even family like is described in 1 Corinthians or Song of Songs. When I pray for them it is more like one of David's "God will you smite them down, O mighty smiter" type prayers. But by loving and praying for them, we might come closest to their soul, allowing us the opportunity to be a blessing and be made perfect. Hopefully though, you will not have to learn it by strangling a demon wolf god to death while dying in a fairy land
